2015 in Review

Every year, when most people are thinking about their new year resolutions, I like to add a few minutes to reflect on my past year. The adventures I've had, the people I've met, and the life lessons I've learned.

First off, I would like to say that I should have probably looked at my list from 2014 more throughout 2015. Last year, I learned the following 6 things.

1) College is a lie. < - I still find this unbearably true.
2) Enjoy being single. Few men are worth a power-walk. < - Also unbearably true.
3) Free time. It's a rare commodity. Use it. Love it. < - It doesn't feel so rare right now. But these are words I desperately find myself needing at this particular time in my life.
4) Some things are better with a buzz. < - I'm honestly upset that I don't have any alcohol right now...
5) Regular adventures are important to your overall happiness. < - So. Many. Adventures!
6) Having a purpose is equally important. < - Acutely and painfully aware of this one.

2015, for me, has been one of the most challenging and rewarding years I can remember. I've gone from gainfully employed to happily unemployed to backpack. I've left the U.S.A. for the first time, traveling to four different nations on two different continents. I hiked my first portion of the Appalachian Trail, camped in the Catskill mountains, fell in love with New York City, moved across the country to live in Colorado, worked as a mechanic's apprentice and a police dispatcher. I've fallen in love, learned new hobbies, lived on my own, lost my job, and struggled with unemployment. Through it all, these are the biggest lessons I feel I've learned over the past year.

1) Traveling solo is the best cure. For anything.
2) Never take your friends and family for granted.
3) Get a dog.
4) When you find a man worth power-walking for - jog.
5) If you don't know anything else about who you are, know the purpose you want to serve.

#1 - Traveling solo is the best cure. For anything. - Seriously. Heartbreak, mid-life crisis, ignorance, you name it, I'm willing to bet there's a valuable lesson to be learned when you visit another country. Perhaps even a new city or state. When you find yourself alone in another country playing charades so you can order a piece of pizza, you discover something about yourself. You find out that you're resourceful. You learn how to be calm and kind in frustrating situations (you really don't want to piss off the only person on the train who speaks English, but if they find you pleasant and sweet, they may become your new tour guide!). These are just a couple of the ways I grew as a person on my entirely too short trip. The most important thing I learned had to do with relationships. The first time you ever found yourself in an unfortunate situation at home you likely knew with almost certainty that you could call someone to come help. If you were far from home, you could likely communicate with a stranger to help you. When you're in another country where you don't know even know the word for help, you realize the roles people play in your life. There are some old friends you've stayed in contact with for years that you wouldn't want with you, but people you've known for mere days that would unquestionably have your back in a sticky situation.

#2 - Never take your friends and family for granted. - I'll put it this way. When you find yourself unexpectedly and suddenly unemployed, your friends, your siblings, and your parents will know exactly what to say. Some corny jokes, some venting, good advice, and a roof to sleep under are more than enough sometimes. Your friends and family will be there for you when you need them. It's your job to get back at it so you can be there for them when they need you.

#3 - Get a dog. - I really don't feel like this needs much explaining. When you feel sad, your dog will cheer you up. When you really just want to lay down and cuddle with something, your dog will tolerate you. When you feel like you're pretty much worthless, your dog needs you to feed it, water it, and take it for runs.

#4 - When you find a man worth power-walking for - jog. - I won't delve into my past relationships or my current one. I'll just say this. Last year's advice was great. Being single is pretty awesome. You have no one to think about but you and your four-legged friend - and your dog will forgive you for anything. You go where you want when you want with who you want and you do what you want. It's awesome. Then someone comes along and they make you want to become a better person. Suddenly, you have another two-legged friend that's always there for you. Whether you think you need it or not. Moral of the story is; first, make sure he's worth it. Second; Make sure you're not just being blind and stupid - do this by introducing him to friends and family and then asking them, "can I keep it, or do I need to throw it back?" If they tell you something along the lines of "dogs are better than men," do the hard but inevitable thing and dump him before you get to attached. But if they say you can keep him, well, any man worth keeping is worth delivering the world on a silver platter for.

#5 - If you don't know anything else about who you are, know the purpose you want to serve. - When you find yourself on an adventure most would kill to have the courage to go on, and you feel empty about it, it's nice to know why. Fortunately, for me, it didn't take much to figure it out. I've always known what purpose I want to serve in the world, I just thought I could ignore it and have a little fun for a while without it tugging me back. Unfortunately for me, I'm not allowed to pursue that specific meaningful purpose in my life for another seven months and eight days (no, I'm not counting. Why do you ask?). Is it torture, sitting here waiting around for that day to arrive? Yes. But I can only imagine what my mental state would look like if I didn't have a clue what I was looking for in life. Luckily for me, there are things everywhere that remind me of the purpose I want to serve. I know exactly how to arrive at that goal, it's only a matter of time.

While you're thinking about your New Years resolutions and the kind of person you want to become, stop for a few minutes and think about the person you were this same time last year. Think about the lessons you've learned and the things that have made you the person you are. Losing 10 pounds probably won't change your life drastically, but deciding how to make the change from the person you are to the person you want to become, and actually acting on it? That will change your life for the better.

Withdrawals

At the end of 2014, I reflected on the last year and made a list of things I had learned. Two of those items have stuck out to me the most over the last few weeks of traveling. The first, number five on that list, is that regular adventures are necessary to my overall happiness. I'd say that I've been having some pretty good adventures this year. I went on a road trip and did a couple of what Outside magazine calls the world's most dangerous hikes. I experienced Las Vegas for the first of what I'm sure will be many times. I visited Oklahoma in the snow, and beat a winter storm home from Nashville after a great few days in Tennessee with friends and family. I made my first trip out of the country and got to spend a weekend on Caye Caulker in Belize, and I'm finally living my dream of backpacking Europe. And it's only March.

The next item on that same reflective list, number six, is where the issue begins. Number six said that having a meaningful purpose is just as important to my happiness as having adventures is. Over the last few months, I have completely forgotten about number six. Throughout my entire life, I have had a plan and a goal to strive for. All through high school my goal was to attend West Point. I didn't get in the first time I applied, but I got a scholarship from West Point's Association of Graduates to attend Marion Military Institute. After my first semester at MMI, my purpose changed from West Point to the Intelligence Community. Over the next two years I worked tirelessly in both "real" work and my academics to propel myself into a career in the community. After I had to return to the University of Arkansas from Pennsylvania, I lost a lot of my motivation, but continued on with unparalleled determination. During my last semester at the U of A, my motivation and determination for anything but adventures vanished. I put $2,000 and my passport in my school bag and consistently thought about leaving. I was and still am completely burnt out on that direction in my life, though I plan on returning to it later. But now that college is finished and I've started towards my personal legend, I'm having trouble finding a meaningful purpose.

I know I need this break from the "real world" to gain some perspective and renew my focus, but that hardly feels like a meaningful purpose to me. I have always enjoyed being altruistic and helping people, but it's difficult to find people to help in a place where I'm the expat. If anyone needs help, it's me - which is something that has never sat well with me. So while I may be traveling and having a great time over the next several months, I'm convinced that, for me, this trip would be more fulfilling if I had a meaningful job to do. I know I won't be satisfied if I go home just yet though, so I'll continue to search for my purpose in this world as I scour the globe for adventure. 

New Year, New Nothing.

I hate New Years. That's a lie. I hate New Years resolutions. Anyone who waits until they have to buy a new calendar to set a goal for themselves is not only lazy, but not going to achieve jack shit. Goals are meant to be set, pursued, and achieved on a continuing basis; not professed right after a new years kiss, pursued for a month, then forgotten, only to have the same process with the same goal repeated 365 days later.
I do, however, find New Years to be a good time of reflection. The holidays are finally over, some people are about to return to the black hole of intelligence that is commonly referred to as school or college (NOT THIS GIRL, MOTHER FUCKERS!!!), and most of us are planning to attend some type of party. Or working. I'd just like to give a quick shout out to all the emergency services personnel and military members working on New Years. It is the most dangerous day of the year for the boys in blue, and I'm beyond ecstatic that this year it falls on my regularly scheduled weekend and I won't be at work. Anyway. Back to reflection. After the last two months of suffering through an overdose of family time and wading through finals I utilized some of this free time which I have yet to grow accustomed to think about the things I learned in 2014. Here's the list I came up with:

1) College is a lie.
2) Enjoy being single. Few men are worth a power-walk.
3) Free time. It's a rare commodity. Use it. Love it.
4) Some things are better with a buzz.
5) Regular adventures are important to your overall happiness.
6) Having a purpose is equally important.

#1 - A lot of the world probably disagrees with me on this one (except for graduating high-schoolers arguing with their parents, using Bill Gates as their examples as why they don't need to receive any form of higher education), but I don't really give a shit. College has its merits, particularly for those who wouldn't figure out how to grow up and move out otherwise, but a degree is not what's going to get you a big bank roll. Everyone and their dog has a degree these days, and a lot of them are unemployed or not working in their field of study. Professionalism and valuable, relative experience can start to get you a job, but I've discovered that a lot of what it comes down to is not even who you know, but rather, who knows you. I've met the CEO of Tyson a handful of times, but I can't say that I really know him very well. In fact, I can't even remember his first name right now. But his family and mine have been friends for years. His kids are the same age as some of my older siblings, my mom is friends with his wife, and he employs my sister. This caused him to hire me to house sit for them at one of their lake houses over Christmas a few years ago. On top of my regular pay, they gave me a hefty Christmas bonus, something I certainly didn't deserve since I'd only house sat for them twice that year, but he knew me. He knew I was trying to move, that I was going to have some extra expenses, and gave me an extra check. The point is, I don't know this man. This wealthy, generous, humble man whose name I can't even remember gave me a job opportunity and some much needed extra income because he knew my name and my reputation; not because I met him at a party once.


#2 - This is simply my personal experience with my ex. Honestly though, if you're the woman in the relationship and you call him "your drama mamma," that should be a sign to run, not walk, to the nearest exit. I relearned my lesson though, I guess. Being single is a ton of fun, and it can be lonely, but it's not as lonely has having a boyfriend who breaks every promise he makes. Don't waste your time. Instead, focus on just doing you. Have fun with your friends, go on adventures, learn a new skill, and just chill the fuck out. If somebody worth having comes along, then fine, but make sure he's worth having before you dive into that. But don't chase. Take Mat Best's wise T-shirt advice and just power-walk.. Preferably after one with a beard and tattoos. And if you don't get that reference, you need to get your life right and become an American. Here's how.

#3 - Oh my God, free time! For basically the last six years, I've been too busy with work and school to even have a glimpse at what the fabled "free time" was. Until this past summer. I was only working one full-time job, and I didn't have any summer classes. Honestly, I've never had so much fun in just a few months. I went on road trips, I had adventure Tuesdays, went kayaking, skydiving, running, mountain biking, hiking, boating, bowling, swimming, and whatever the fuck else I felt like doing. God it was glorious. Then school started back up. Now that I'm done with college forever, I don't know what to do with my free time. I know I want to chill out for a couple months before I dive into my career (whenever I figure out what the next step is going to be), but I'm having a hard time figuring out how to chill again. I'm a fair weather girl, and dead trees are just fucking ugly. So things like kayaking and hiking have lost their allure for the time being. I'll get it figured out though. I'm not so easily deterred.

#4 - Do I even need to explain this? I'm not saying you need to get hammered to have a good time, but a good buzz can exponentially increase the hilarity of a lot of situations. Also, if tequila even touches my tongue I can go from being the wort person to be around to the happiest mother fucker on planet earth.

#5 - Two words: Adventure Tuesdays (probably Saturdays for all you fuckers with an 8-5. Lucky bastards) I guess I discovered this over this last summer when I was finding out what free time was and how it's best utilized. I'd had no idea how miserable I was in school until summer was coming to an end and I crammed in a road trip to Houston/Galveston/San Antonio and a camping trip in one week. #4 also played a big role in that week, and by the end of it I had jumped off a cliff, gotten a sunburn that would make the devil himself jealous, taught myself to surf, vomited uncontrollably in the woods, and I suspect I was nearly eaten by a mountain lion. I regret nothing.

#6 - As alluring as it sounds to just have life be one big party and adventure all the time, you need a purpose. Or at least I do. I guess I've always known that I needed a purpose, and I've desperately searched for one that fits me, one that I can enjoy and make a career out of, but it never hit as hard as it did these last couple of weeks since graduating. Nothing hits you in the face like someone saying, "Oh, you graduated college, where are you working now?" I know I'm very fortunate to have a good paying, full-time job and no college loans to be paying off, but there's nothing I hate more than answering that question right now because the answer is "the same fucking thing I've been doing for the last three years." I love my job, really I do, but it's nothing I want to make a career out of. It was purely meant to get me through college and no further. I'm the kind of person that's always had the next ten steps figured out. Honestly, for a while I did have the next several steps figured out, but not anymore. Life is funny like that. I heard somewhere that life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans, and that's definitely what's happened. The simple fact that I haven't gotten it figured out yet is driving my type A personality up a wall. I do have an alter ego though, my type B side. My type B side is just enjoying the free time.

While I find reflection to be one of the more valuable things about new years, and I hate the "new year, new me" bullshit everyone tries to sell on their facebook posts, I maintain that reflection can go both ways. Resolutions are a good idea, people just don't know how to execute them. Resolutions aren't meant to come around every 365 days, they're meant to come around whenever you discover the need for improvement or change. If it's November, or June or February and you decide shit needs to happen, make that shit happen. Fuck resolutions day. I will, however, concede to the fact that in order to propel yourself forward in life, it's important to set goals for yourself (constantly, not yearly) and while the new year is a convenient time to do that, it shouldn't be the only time you do it.

No attempt at philosophy would be complete without some hippocracy, so here's my goals for 2015.
1) Fist fight a shark.
2) Eat something spicy without crying.
3) Get fired from a trebuchet.
4) Hail a cab (preferably in a foreign country where you're scared for your life as you weave in and out of traffic at neck-breaking speeds).
5) Execute Ayman Al Zawahiri - MERICA.

Set a goal. Work towards it. Achieve it. Learn from it. Up the ante and repeat.